I came to Mumbai from Delhi to join a new project a little more than an year ago.
It was an exciting move for me. I was going to lead the team. I was moving much closer to home. I was going to the city so central to the Indian mindset, the home of Bollywood, the financial capital of India and the city nickname the city of dreams. I was also moving closer to many of my friends… I had lots of friends in Mumbai and Mumbai is also closer to Bangalore where my brother lived. Read the rest of this entry »
…Its really hard.
They call it the “Quarter-Life Crisis”. It is when I stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about me that I didn’t know and may not like. I start feeling insecure and wonder where I will be in a year or two, but then get scared because I barely know where I am now.
I start realizing that people are selfish and that maybe, those friends that I thought were so close to me aren’t exactly the greatest people I have ever met, and the people I have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What I don’t recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren’t really cold, catty, mean, or insincere but that they are as confused as I am.
I look at my job (part time)… and it is not even close to what I thought I would be doing, or maybe I am looking for a job and realizing that I am going to have to start at the bottom and that scares me. My opinions have gotten stronger. I see what others are doing and find myself judging more than usual because suddenly I realize that I have certain boundaries in my life and am constantly adding things to the list of what is acceptable and what isn’t. One minute, I am insecure and then the next, secure.
I laugh and cry with the greatest force of my life. I feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and I try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where I’m or move forward.
I’m heart broken and wonder how someone I loved could do such damage to me. Or lay in bed and wonder why I can’t meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. Or maybe I love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why I’m doing this because I know that I’m not a bad person.
One night stands and random hookups start to look cheap. GETTIN WASTED AND ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT STARTS TO LOOK PATHETIC. I go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with my friends about the same topics because I cannot seem to make a decision. I worry about loans, money, and the future and making a life for myself… and while winning the race would be great, right now i’d just like to be a contender!
What I just realize is that everyone reading this relates to it or related to it once. We are in our best of times and worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
~ Vineet
NOTE: This is not completely an original piece. I got this as a forward some time back but I could relate to it so much it’s as if I had written it myself. It is not identical to the forward I got because there is a lot of me in there, especially towards the end. I will try to find out the original author of this piece and give credit to him/her but that will have to wait for some time since I have my exams going on right now. Bye!
The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.
It is past 6 AM here and unlike me I am awake. Was it the sunlight streaming in through my windows? Was it the hope that a Monday usually brings along with it? Or was it just because I had already slept a lot the previous day and my body was complaining “Bas karo”?
Whatever it is I am awake. When I wake up I find that there are certain thoughts already running amok in my mind. These are thoughts of the people I miss, the things I want to do, the dreams I want to achieve and often also of something I have been trying to remember really hard but was unable to do so. Today I found myself asking what I really really wanted to do? What I want to be and how to get there? What is my 42? Was I happy?
Now these are the sort of questions that, as a rule, come into my mind only after I have had my glass of hot bournvita. I was stumped. That’s when this quote told to me by a friend of mine recently came to me.
I already have something to do (and I love doing it), lots of people and things to love and lots to hope for. So by definition I am already happy. I just have to make sure I always have something to love, lots of people to love and something to look hope for and I guess I will always be happy.
Now let me go and brush. I have a busy day and busy week ahead. See you later.
Over second and third cups flow matters of high finance, high state, common gossip and low comedy. [Coffee] is a social binder, a warmer of tongues, a soberer of minds, a stimulant of wit, a foiler of sleep if you want it so. From roadside mugs to the classic demi-tasse, it is the perfect democrat. ~ Author Unknown
Coffee… aah… You have got me daydreaming already. Good coffee, good conversation and light music is one of my heavens. Give me a coffee anytime, morning, afternoon, evening, night and I will be happy.
My penchant for coffee is at least partially due to my genes. Otherwise how would a Malayalee born and brought up in Gujjuland still prefer coffee over tea? Of course my dear Dad, a hardcore coffee drinker, is also responsible. When at home, my Mom and brother are predominantly tea drinkers, my Dad and I belong to the coffee camp (See clarification below 
). In Mallu breakfast and afternoon snacks are both referred to as having “Kaapi” - i.e. having “coffee”.
Coffee is for bonding. My Dad is an expert coffee maker and can make the famous 1-meter south-Indian coffee. This is when you make coffee normally but work it into a nice solid frothy drink by repeatedly pouring it into one glass from another from a height of approximately 1 meter in a smooth swinging motion. And even today when Dad and I are up late watching some movie we suddenly look at each other and I see the glint in his eyes… he is asking do you want some black coffee? And of course I say yes. And in 5 mins both of us are sipping some nice black coffee.
Most of my friends are coffee lovers. Some of were coffee lovers, some of them drink coffee just to give me company and some became coffee lovers on my insistence. Some of the best memories and conversations have been had over steaming cups of coffee. I have bonded with best friends over coffee and felt comfortable with total strangers over a coffee table. Exam times were an excuse for having endless cups of coffee and not for studying. My board exam marks are more than ample proof of that. Even today at work hot coffees and cold coffees are my constant companions.
I am not a connoisseur, I don’t like exotic coffees. I like my coffee hot, simple, reasonably bitter and in large quantities. My favourites are espressos and cafe latte. Earlier I used to like strong bitter coffees. Lately I have been liking mild milky coffees more. I guess that is something to do about how I changed over the years or something like that. Has some research scholar out there done any research on the correlation between coffee types and people behaviours?… I am sure there should be something like that out there. One of the things on my wishlist is a nice coffee maker. One that takes in coffee beans, grinds it and brews it fresh. Should be another experience altogether.
Going to the CCD near our house is a weekend must-do for my gang here. Actually for me… I force them to come along. We went there last week and had tons of fun singing old songs and bugging the people around us in general. I went to that CCD yesterday again to meet an old schoolfriend of mine, Krishna after 10 longs years. Went to CCD again yesterday with a friend of mine and had a long, nice and interesting conversation over cafe latte. And today Aishwar, again a classmate of mine from school days is in town so Krishna, Aishwar and I will be meeting up in the evening somewhere in Bandra over a cup of, yes you guessed it right, coffee.
All this thinking about coffee has made me yearn for some right now. Anybody coming for a cup of coffee?
Clarification: Vineet clarifies that he is also a soldier from the coffee camp but defects to the tea camp when at home because Mom makes very good tea. Come to think of it… when at home I too have lots of tea.
Here are a few more interesting quotes about coffee all filched from Quote Garden.
Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised. ~ Star Trek: Voyager
Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven. ~ Jessi Lane Adams
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. ~ Paul Erdos
Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh
I finally managed to find out the correct Hindi version of the last stanza of ‘Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening’. And it was none other than my friend Anjali who narrated this to me in the first place many years ago. Thanks Anjali! I also got called dumbo in the bargain but what is little dumbo here and there between friends? 
So here it is…
Gahan saghan manmohak taru, mujhko aaj bulate hain…
Kintu kiye jo vaade maine, yaad mujhe aa jaate hain…
Mujhe kahan aaram bada, yah muk nimantran chalna hai..
Arey abhi to milon mujhko, miloon mujhko chalna hai.
Isn’t it beautiful?
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do.
Pleasure is when you have lots to do and you are doing nothing.
Let me not say anything… go ahead and listen to this and I am sure it will come across the most sane advice you have ever received. Of course this is what your parents, siblings, friends, colleagues and your conscience has been asking you to do all along but somehow it sounds so much better and doable this way.
Baz Luhrmann - Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen).mp3
If you prefer to read the song then here are the lyrics…
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97
Wear Sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future,
sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh nevermind,
you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can’t grasp now, how much possibility lay before you
and how fabulous you really looked,
you are not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts,
don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind,
the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults,
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life,
the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22
what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t,
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40,
Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Brother and sister together we’ll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you’ve been hurtin, but I’ve been waitin’ to be there for you
And I’ll be there just helping you out whenever I can
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings, they are the best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard,
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander,
you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you’re 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off,
painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen
Brother and sister together we’ll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you’ve been hurtin, but I’ve been waitin’ to be there for you
And I’ll be there just helping you out whenever I can
Everybody’s free oh yeah
Everybody’s free oh yeah
Is a person really independent? Or is that just an illusion he creates to satisfy an ego? Is a person solely responsible for what he is today and what has done in the past? Or does some of the credit or blame go to people around him mainly his family, friends and colleagues. How much of of me is made up of other people? I live, how many people live inside me.
What if a person is full of bitterness? What if he is full of love? What if he is full of both? Will people around him also become bitter? Or full of love? Will people around him want to give something of theirs to him? Or will they shoo him away?
I wonder how much of me is other people and how much of the people around me is me.
Somebody I know and somebody who is very close to my heart wrote this. I could not believe my eyes when I read it. It was as if I had written it myself. It was a much much bigger paragraph and I agree with 90% of it. These are the statements I could relate to most. Isn’t it amazing that 2 different people feel almost exactly the same thing? 2 people in different places, at different phases in life, having different lifestyles…
They call it the “Quarter-Life Crisis.” It is when I stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about me that I didn’t know and may not like. I start feeling insecure and wonder where I will be in a year or two, but then get scared because I barely know where I m now.
I laugh and cry with the greatest force of my life. I feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and I try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where I’m or move forward.
I worry about loans, money, and the future and making a life for myself…and while winning the race would be great, right now i’d just like to be a contender!
What I just realize is that everyone reading this relates to it or related to it once. We are in our best of times and worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
I have asked this person to start blogging on a regular basis. His blog would be very very interesting to read, don’t you agree?
I almost titled this post “The Rat Race” or “My Quarter-life Crisis”.
It’s weird. Each passing day makes me feel that I am in a rat race, not your usual rat race but a rat race with myself. I want to keep doing better, learn more, do more, earn more, become more efficient, in general become more than what I currently am. Is this usual? Is this abnormal? Is this good? I don’t know. On one hand I am not unhappy with the way things are going in my personal life and professional life. On the other hand sometimes I feel very inadequate and unsuccessful.
Don’t mistake it for self-pity, it is nowhere close to that. I am probably too proud to ever have any self-pity. It is more of a feeling to reach the stars but failing and falling flat on my face. Weird, huh?
I am surrounded by superachievers. Well… most of them don’t know it But I _am_ surrounded by lots of cool people. People whose work I admire and whose thought processes sometimes leave me speechless. These people inspire me to do something more something better. Of course I am very competitive by nature so I guess my intention is to surpass them. This feeling goads me on to do something wonderful… something so good and miraculous that it washes away all these doubts. I law awake at night mulling about what I did that day, what remained undone, what remains to be done and how I am going to do it.
However I know that I am no genius and miracles are well, miraculous. I am in a constant struggle against myself, against what I am and for what I want to be.
So what do I do? There is so much to do and so little time. Maybe I should stop blogging and spend more time doing things. Naah… that would be very boring. Let’s see… I have to do something about this, in fact I am already somethings about this. Maybe that should be the topic of another post some other time.
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