The Struggle
I almost titled this post “The Rat Race” or “My Quarter-life Crisis”.
It’s weird. Each passing day makes me feel that I am in a rat race, not your usual rat race but a rat race with myself. I want to keep doing better, learn more, do more, earn more, become more efficient, in general become more than what I currently am. Is this usual? Is this abnormal? Is this good? I don’t know. On one hand I am not unhappy with the way things are going in my personal life and professional life. On the other hand sometimes I feel very inadequate and unsuccessful.
Don’t mistake it for self-pity, it is nowhere close to that. I am probably too proud to ever have any self-pity. It is more of a feeling to reach the stars but failing and falling flat on my face. Weird, huh?
I am surrounded by superachievers. Well… most of them don’t know it 
But I _am_ surrounded by lots of cool people. People whose work I admire and whose thought processes sometimes leave me speechless. These people inspire me to do something more something better. Of course I am very competitive by nature so I guess my intention is to surpass them. This feeling goads me on to do something wonderful… something so good and miraculous that it washes away all these doubts. I law awake at night mulling about what I did that day, what remained undone, what remains to be done and how I am going to do it.
However I know that I am no genius and miracles are well, miraculous. I am in a constant struggle against myself, against what I am and for what I want to be.
So what do I do? There is so much to do and so little time. Maybe I should stop blogging and spend more time doing things. Naah… that would be very boring. Let’s see… I have to do something about this, in fact I am already somethings about this. Maybe that should be the topic of another post some other time.
This entry was posted on Thursday, March 8th, 2007 at 12:02 am and is filed under daily diary, thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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on March 8, 2007 at 3:41 am Jazz wrote:
Ohh Yes! Life is a Struggle… I agree with you about the struggle part. It is a rat race out there but the magic of happiness is being content with one’s circumstances. I try to never compare myself with anyone and especially never with a band of super achievers. I admire successful people but never compare myself with them because I know that will bring me only misery. The old saying “the grass is always green on the other side” is so true when we compare with others. Its all a matter of flawed perception.